Audrey returning from a friends house had creamy rouge on her cheeks so thick you could carve your initials in it. This was the bath conversation. Me: Audrey why so much?" Audrey: because we were trying to look like a hot mess, and because of how much makeup we had on we were really hot hot messes! Me: wow not sure what to say.

Audrey comes out of school today and asks me " do you know what a tortel is?" i said "huh.?" she says it's an animal that walks on land." I said do you mean a turtle?" she said " yes but no it's the other one." I say tortoise? She says "yes that's it... Tortel, tortoise you knew what I meant

The other morning when I woke Audrey up for school we had this conversation. "mom I can't go to school because my arms hurt!" I said " why do they hurt?" she says " because the teachers told me that whenever I want to say something I have to raise my hand." I say "okay that a rule most teachers use." she says " yes but my hand is up all the time." really we aren't surprised right?

Audrey was drinking cranberry juice during dinner and announces "this doesn't taste like cranberry juice it tastes like Burberry juice.

"I asked Audrey "What are you doing?" She says "BCDD" I said "what does that mean?" She says "It's short for throwing trash away!

The reasons why Audrey doesn't feel well in this order "I have a snotty nose, a bad cough, and when I wiggle I fall down." the first two aren't true!

"Audrey says "wow the gas that just bolted out of my bumm smelled like pumpkin guts and I didn't eat any pumpkin or the guts." I am left yet again just shaking my head.